How to Cope With Flying Your Pet by Coral Gwyn-Williams
by: Admin
Total views: 152
Word Count: 1193
SO FYDO'S FLYING?
Tips for Owners
Ok, so Fydo is all set to fly with you. That would mean you have read all the tips, traumas and tales that lay in store for your pup in the friendly skies. Ever notice that in all these well-meaning, helpful and encouraging bits of information nobody talks to you about...well, you.
Knowing your canine is in cargo can be as bad as watching your child go off to school for the very first time. So...what we are doing here is trying to give you a light-hearted look at tips for concerned owners who are convinced that something terrible is going on in the belly of the plane and your pup is hysterically barking for you to come get him!
Now, we won't say that nothing can go wrong because if you've read all the information, then you realize that there are legitimate concerns both when flying Fydo in cargo and in the cabin with you. Haven't you seen "Lost?"
But we want to give you a shot of humor to help you through your ordeal. Don't worry; these suggestions will be out in "bark-cover" (soft-cover for humans) some time in the future.
Tens Ways to Cope With Fydo Flying
1. My own personal favorite would be two Xanax and ½ bottle of straight vodka. You'd be amazed at how little actually bothers you after that.
2. Make sure you are traveling with your spouse or significant other, you can drown them in your fear and rage for the entire trip and they will have to indulge you since you are quite obviously overwrought and probably dangerous.
***Women who are pre-menstrual should never fly their pets under any circumstances.
3. Do NOT rent or otherwise see the movie "Flightplan" with Jodie Foster as a mother searching a plane for her missing child for at least a month before your trip. This movie will only serve to show you all the places your pooch can hide if he gets out of his cage in the big, dark underbelly of a plane that is just waiting to catch him
3. If you must bring a photo of Fydo on the plane with you please make sure it is in a sturdy frame. Clutching frantically at a photo crushes the picture and invariably upsets fellow passengers who will quickly catch on that you are crazy as a bedbug.
4. Remember that it is against the law to interfere with a flight attendant during a flight. That means that under no circumstances are you permitted to clutch desperately at their clothing begging to be allowed to land because you could swear you hear Fydo calling you. Also not permitted is attaching yourself to their legs as they try to pass out drinks and lunch screaming that Fydo can smell the food and is starving in the cargo hold. Actually, I don't think airlines give you food anymore and Fydo probably wouldn't appreciate the nuts and granola bars anyway.
5. Alcohol is still served on most flights for a small (or not so small) fee. Bring plenty of cash with you since flight attendants do not carry change and while you are boarding hand out money to everyone you pass while getting to your row and ask them to buy an alcoholic drink when the flight attendant comes around. That way they will not be able to say that you have had too much to drink and with approximately 300 people on the flight there's a good chance you will be unconscious for most of it after you drink all of their cocktails.
6. Now back to the first reference...most doctors are very uncomfortable with the idea of their patients mixing drugs and alcohol. Obviously none of them has ever traveled with a pet owner whose beloved dog is chained in the bottom of the plane with the luggage. Since I am not going to argue the point about a doctor's concerns, I would simply suggest that you get a double prescription of whatever floats your boat and quadruple the dose when you get on the plane. Then the alcohol may not be necessary.
7. Please remember if you and your pet are traveling alone that other passengers have rights too. Bring plenty of Kleenex and try not to wipe your nose on your fellow passenger's sleeve each time you fall into fits of uncontrollable tears, screaming that you just "know" there isn't enough heat (or air-conditioning depending on the flight) and you know Fydo is either freezing or sweating to death.
8. If you have a dog small enough to carry on board and place under the seat, please remember what is was like the last time you flew next to an unruly, loud and obnoxious child that the parents refused to control. Just as you would wish to flush the little cretin down the very small lavatory toilet despite the warning against flushing foreign objects; there will likely be passengers very willing to take your dog for a walk to the "potty" if Fydo howls the entire trip.
**First Class is no guarantee. I recently flew to Hawaii with two parents, two children and a nanny in First Class. The children screeched the most blood curdling screeches for six hours straight and neither the parents nor the nanny raised a finger to stop them. If I could have flushed them both, I would have.
9. All airplane seats provide seat belts. If you are likely to have a nervous breakdown and run screaming about the plane that your dog is dying in cargo, please bring a set of hand restraints with you and give the key to the flight attendant. Let them know you are not to be trusted and that you are flying with your dog. They have heard it all before and will understand completely. They may even have their own restraints but with the increase in people traveling with pets its better to have your own.
10. Yes...we know there are things that can (and sometimes do) go wrong when your pet travels in cargo. Most airlines have a climate controlled special section for animals and your pet will undoubtedly be fine. They tell you the same thing when your child gets on the school bus for the first time. However, I am sure you have taken this into account and are proceeding regardless. So the final suggestion is to take up Yoga, bring plenty of Xanax and once the seatbelt sign is off, stand on your head in your seat and chant until you either pass out or the other passengers flush you down the lavatory.
Have a wonderful trip!
About the Author
Born in Hollywood, California and raised in New Zealand and New Jersey, Coral Gwyn-Williams has developed a passion for any creature that flies, floats, furrows, burrows, wags, slurps and sheds. She works exclusively with photographers Colby Gwyn-Williams and Sinead Imbaro of PawPrint Imaging and dog trainer Raul Hernandez of Canine extreme.
Rating: Not yet rated